Atomic Blonde

I both wanted to like and expected to like Atomic Blonde more than I actually did. Unfortunately, aside from the excellent cast headed by Charlize Theron, Atomic Blonde left me as cold as the war it took place during.

Charlize Theron plays Lorraine Broughton. She goes to Berlin to recover a list of secret agents before it falls into the wrong hands. Her contact is a very douchey James Mcavoy. She also meets (and by meets I mean has sex with) French agent Delphine Lasalle. It’s a spy movie so everyone double-crosses everyone, lies a lot and there’s a lot of punching of people and shooting of guns.

I do like the fight scenes. They’re well choreographed and I could watch Charlize Theron kick ass all day. Atomic Blonde often is compared to John Wick. This is understandable given that they share a director. However, there is a difference between these two films. Once John Wick gets doing, it’s just all violence all the time. This is not the case with Atomic Blonde. There’s significantly more plot between the action scenes in Atomic Blonde and that is where the movie falls down.

As much as Charlize Theron is very hot and very badass in this movie, I did struggle with her as the main character. This is a movie about covert spies and Charlize Theron isn’t very covert. There’s a few scenes where she’s in East Berlin trying to blend in with a crowd after she’s done some spy stuff. But she’s so conspicuous! “How would you describe the woman you just saw doing spy stuff?” “Well, she’s about 6 foot tall, has nuclear blonde hair, expensive clothing and is physically a perfect 10 out of 10.” It’s East Berlin. Charlize Theron sticks out like a sore thumb.

Berlin, both East and West are portrayed in by far the most enjoyable light I’ve ever seen them in depicted during this time period. All the neon and thriving nightlife that the film focuses on doesn’t depict the reality nor mood of Berlin during this time period as I understans it. Also, I feel like Cold War-era Berlin is one of the worst places to have lesbian sex. I feel like nobody in the Soviet countries or surrounding areas really had sex for pleasure during the Cold War, only for procreation. It seems less likely still that anyone would risk “sexual perversion” during that time and place. I certainly wouldn’t. I know that neither Lorraine nor Delphine live in the Soviet Union but still. Personally, I couldn’t think about eating pussy while everyone else in the country I’m is isn’t eating at all.

Of course, nobody actually eats pussy in this. This movie has yet another lesbian sex scene directed by a man who doesn’t seem to have any clue how two women have sex. No mouths are used, nor fingers nor even a proper scissoring position. It’s 2017 for Christ’s sake. This shouldn’t still be such a damn problem. The scene overall felt too male-gazey.

I hate to say this in a review I’m writing for a WLW film review website, but the best character in this film is the douchey heterosexual man played by James Mcavoy. Even with the fact that he’s the character directly responsible for this movie burying its gays, he’s still my favourite part of the film. He’s so delightfully fun to hate and clearly having such a good time with this role.

I was hyped for this movie but the actual product let me down. If I wanted to see Charlize Theron play a dangerous queer character, I’d rather go rewatch Monster. The film looked fairly nice and Charlize Theron looks better than nice but Atomic Blonde didn’t ignite me like I wanted it to.

Overall rating: 6.2/10

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