Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg

I haven’t seen Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS. I have done enough research on it to confirm that it doesn’t quite meet the criteria for review on this site. Thank god! I don’t wanna watch any Nazisploitation. That’s over the line for what I’m personally willing to engage with. So, instead I watched something that might be worse than Ilsa. An Ilsa knock-off. Even from the title- Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg– you can tell this movie isn’t even trying.

Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg isn’t Nazisploitation. But arguably, it should be. It almost is. Like Ilsa, Helga is a buxom blonde woman who does sadistic activities for fascists who wear generic red arm bands. But, theses fascists have a leader who looks like Castro so we’ve got that undertone too. Not-Castro puts Helga in charge of a facility holding female political prisoners, all of whom are in their 20s and generally attractive, of course. The film and its marketing would like you to believe that the prison Helga runs is hell on earth. And I mean, it doesn’t seem great. But in the grand scheme of prisons in exploitation films, Helga’s prison is pretty tame.

There are some scenes of women being abused, usually sexually in the film. And those are no fun. But at least they’re also poorly acted! The worst thing a rape scene in an exploitation film could be is well-acted. But truly, outside of a few scenes that feel like they’re just trying to hit some unpleasant quota, most of Helga is just a lot of nudity. Yeah, it’s nudity in rooms that look cold and uncomfortable. But at least all the prisoners got some nice leather boots they wear even when otherwise fully naked.

I can’t fully find Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg entertaining. Because the premise is too much about abusing women for me to vibe with. I do know that often in exploitation films, bad taste is the point. And I get that to a degree. But my standards will allow for a sexy female vampire killing people more than systemic sexual abuse of women. Conversely, I am also disappointed that Helga didn’t go further. If you’re going to be in bad taste, be the worst taste. That’s something Ilsa did, as proven by the fact that I cannot stomach watching that movie. Helga is a poor imitation of something genuinely nasty and extreme. And I think that might be a worse sin.

The one area Helga does do more than expected is the lesbianism. Most women in prison films have lesbianism. But few have enough to qualify for my site. Usually, the protagonist of these films is straight. But in this film, the villain is the protagonist. And the villain is a predatory bisexual. But even the “hero” of the story engages in some consensual lesbianism. Helga takes a liking to a prisoner named Elizabeth. And they do sex things together. But Elizabeth also has a genuinely sweet-looking relationship with a fellow prisoner named Jennie. So that’s nice, I guess. Maybe it would’ve been preferable that the film had less lesbian content though. Because then I wouldn’t feel obligated to see it.

The film ends with a pretty delightful stock footage final battle. It was so bad it almost looped my opinion of the movie back around to ironically loving it. But, the incompetence isn’t there throughout enough of the film to hit that level. I talk a lot of shit about Jess Franco’s work. And he deserves it. But I did miss his distinct stylistic voice, for better or worse when I watched this. Helga director Patrice Rhomm adds no personal flourish to this story. He seems fully content to phone it in and accept a C- on his assignment of making an Ilsa knockoff.

There’s so many issues of taste and morals worthy of critique in Helga, She Wolf of Stilberg. But my main issue with the film is how half-assed it is. If you’re gonna go there, go there! Make a movie too extreme for me to watch. Helga wasn’t that at all. The basic premise is unpleasant. But the execution of that premise is pretty damn bland. It’s better than Ilsa only in the fact that it doesn’t exploit the concept of the holocaust and Nazi iconography. Oh, and it has more lesbianism too. But that doesn’t mean Helga is in good taste. And ultimately, it doesn’t mean that it’s a better movie than Ilsa. Especially for this audience and genre. That tagline that Helga is, “deadlier than Ilsa” is a complete lie. Ilsa would eat Helga for lunch.

Overall rating: 3.2/10

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