Kiss Me! (2017)

I was initially reticent to accuse Kiss Me! of having a self-insert lead character. The reason is because I saw myself in the lead character. But not in a positive way. She sort of looks like me and is less cool than anyone else in the movie. So, maybe all I was negatively reacting to was recognition of self in the other. Then I realized that the lead character in the film has the same name as the writer/director/lead actor. So, I think it’s fair to say the lead is a self-insert. Any similarities to the reviewer are purely coincidental.

The fictional version of Océanerosemarie is a dorky physical therapist. While lurking in some bushes at a local park, Océan sees Cécile performing impressive gymnastics. Océan falls in love instantly. She convinces Cécile to let Océan photograph her as a sort of body in motion for for Océan’s practice. Océan also successfully courts Cécile and the two become a couple. But one of Océan’s exes still has the hots for her. And Cécile accidentally sees the two kissing and fears the worst.

The plot of this film is one of the most standard romantic comedy story lines. The whole thing is a bog-standard love story with a misunderstanding about a kiss. You’ve seen this plot over and over and over again. Usually with some sort of new twist on it, because the basic story is stale as hell. Maybe Kiss Me! is one of those movies that thought applying the tropes to queer characters would make them fresh. Well, they were wrong. The plot is not fresh nor engaging. Kiss Me! also features not one but two classic rom-com ending scenes. Not only do we get a dramatic speech at a wedding but also a running through the airport scene. Where’s the originality, Kiss Me?!

Having a self-insert lead isn’t inherently bad. Appropriate Behavior has a self-insert protagonist, and it’s one of the funniest WLW films out there. But first of all, Kiss Me! isn’t nearly as funny. And secondly, it feels like this self-insert character is held to a double standard. Real-life Océanerosemarie might be too close to this character. Because fictional Océanerosemarie doesn’t grow or change through the film. She has flaws, but none that stop her succeeding romantically with beautiful, interesting women. The film’s conflict is that one of Océan’s exes is obsessed with her. All the flaws and behaviour that requires change aren’t Océan’s. It’s basically fan fiction about what if I met pretty gymnast who liked me but also my very pretty photographer ex was obsessed with me. Yeah, I can’t relate to that, Océanerosemarie and I don’t think you can either.

The visuals in Kiss Me! are way better than it has any right to be. Océanerosemarie hasn’t convinced me she can write, but as the film’s co-director, I was impressed with her in that role. There’s some really pretty and ambitious shots. And the colour composition is really beautiful. Each scene looks vibrant and incredibly well set up. It’s a shame that none of that in any way helps the jokes land. Because the jokes in Kiss Me! do not land. But hey, that’s some nice-ass colour balance to look at while I don’t laugh.

With comedies, it always comes down to the simple question, “is it funny?” And Kiss Me! isn’t funny. Sure, maybe some of the jokes were lost in translation. But stale cliches and self-insert characters transcend language boundaries. Océanerosemarie doesn’t makes nearly a strong enough case for why she should be the lead in this story or even why this story should be told at all.

Overall rating: 4.2/10

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