69 + 1

Where do I even begin with 69 + 1? There’s so much to say about this film. Almost none of it positive. I watch a lot of bad movies, but 69 + 1 is an overachiever. It’s not content with being just bad. It dives headfirst into full-on awful territory. This film is such a bad portrayal of women it made me yearn for the complex and respectable female representation of a Weinstein film. With all of that, I would like to present 69 + 1 a very exclusive and coveted position on my list of the ten worst WLW films I’ve ever seen.

69 + 1 boasts that it’s The Philippines’ first polyamrous film. First of all, doubt. I’ve only seen 4 Filipino movies. But one of those four was Xdeal which had poly themes. The journey 69+1 takes to polyamory is nuts. To stave off the seven year itch, lesbian couple Ivy and Patricia decide to be polyamorous for a year. The women want to find a man to have sex with, but they don’t want to fall in love. So, Ivy and Patricia look for an average man; suitable for their needs but not someone they might fall for. Enter Apol. Apol has past or presents crushes on both Ivy and Patricia. He also has permanently crossed eyes. He’s perfect! The two women invite Apol to join their relationship in a largely sexual context. Apol is truly living the dream.

You don’t exactly need an intricate plot to involve a third person in an existing relationship. But 69 + 1 takes the most absurd, winding route to get there. The fact that Apol previously knew and lusted over both women is such an absurd coincidence. Ivy and Patricia find creep shots Apol took of them. And that’s when they decide to invite him to sleep with them?! Great move, ladies! Even getting to the sex takes way too long. Partially because the movie is badly paced. But also because Apol literally doesn’t seem to know what sex is. There’s montage shots of them in an office with a professional showing Apol different sex positions. And when sex actually happens to him, he seems baffled above all else. Ladies, please do not fuck Apol. Really, all Ivy and Patricia seem to want is dick on demand. Can I recommend a dildo instead?

While Ivy and Patricia are the leads in the film, 69 + 1 is pure male fantasy. For a lesbian couple, their life revolves almost entirely around dick. I don’t think the film even passes the Bechdel test. Every scene of Ivy and Patricia is them talking about opening their relationship to a man. So much of this film is a juvenile male fantasy. This unpopular man gets to sleep with two hot lesbians on demand. That’s it, that’s the film. And don’t you worry, the male gaze is in full effect. I feel like the camera showed the women’s butts as often as their faces. And Patricia at one point does a jubilant striptease for her maid. Who doesn’t remotely care. God damn, I wish every movie understood women the way this movie does.

What’s absolutely damn weird about 69 + 1 is that it is pretty pro-LGBT. It’s imperfect representation to be sure. One of Apol’s friend knowingly explains bisexuality and ends by suggesting for information, Apol needs to watch more porn. But there’s also a very earnest speech for LGBT equality in the film scored with heroic music. There’s a genuine attempt at allyship here and a fundamental understanding that the LGBT community are people and worthy of respect. On its own, this isn’t weird. But the pro-LGBT stuff mixed with the film’s appalling view on women is a very strange combo. 69 + 1 supports lesbians and recognizes their humanity, but not women. As a lesbian, this film is like getting my hand shook and being punched in the face at the same time.

I applaud director Darryl Yap for his use of colour. The sets, and styling of the characters provides visual interest. This is literally the only positive I have to say about the film. 69 + 1 is an 87 minute comedy. But it drags like you wouldn’t believe. Every scene goes on too long without any recognizable jokes. The film will also stop dead for a montage that’s often just quick cuts of beautiful women. It’s the cinematic version of dangling keys in front of the audience. The film’s dialogue feels very stilted and not even in the service of recognizable jokes. The cohesion between scenes is borderline non-existent which makes the pacing problems even worse. It almost feels like a David Lynch movie. But David Lynch would at minimum manage to get his actor’s full face in the frame for a medium close-up.

For a film to rate below a 3/10 for me, I need to think to myself, “wow, I hate this!” at least once while watching. I had that thought dozens of times watching 69 + 1. This film is toxically obnoxious. Director Darryl Yap has made a name for himself directing controversial topics. But he doesn’t have any notable talent to make that controversy in any way meaningful and challenging. Other than the fact that this film is an absolute challenge to get through, I guess. The only positive here is that poly cinema in The Philippines has nowhere to go but up.

Overall rating: 1.8/10

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