A Family Affair

A Family Affair is notable for its focus on both lesbian and Jewish identity. The film absolutely celebrates both identities. This pro-gay, pro-Jewish movie I guess means it’s the Jewish answer to A New York Christmas Wedding. Or, rather A New York Christmas Wedding is the Christian answer to A Family Affair. A Family Affair came out almost 20 years earlier. For all my criticisms of A Family Affair, I can safely say it’s significantly better than A New York Christmas Wedding. Good job on stepping over that low bar.

The film’s lead character is an overt director self-insert named Rachel. Rachel is a sarcastic, Jewish lesbian. Following a break-up, Rachel movies to California at the behest of her mother. Rachel’s mother is heavily supportive of her gay daughter. She want nothing more than for Rachel to find a nice girl and settle down. Rachel’s less interested in commitment and certainly not interested in her mother setting her up. Then, Rachel has a string of bad dates. So, she agrees to let her mom set her up with a woman named Christine. Lo and behold, Rachel gets on with Christine and the two begin a relationship. But as the question of marriage looms, Rachel starts to get cold feet. Rachel’s ex, Reggie reentering the picture causes further complications.

My big issue with A Family Affair is how defensive it is. Right off the bat, Rachel addresses the audience directly. She tells them to leave the theatre if they don’t think they’ll like the movie. The film, using Rachel as its mouthpiece is big on trying to point out criticism before it even happens. It makes the entire movie feel more thin skinned than it needs to be. I’m dry and sarcastic myself so I’ll try and apply these critiques to my actual life as well. It’s not charming or funny when someone heads off a joke or personal moment by underplaying and suggesting the audience won’t appreciate it.

Part of this defensiveness also ends up feeling very gatekeep-y towards queer identities. Admittedly, in 2001 this wasn’t uncommon. But it’s a shame to see this judgement of what a “good” gay person looks like. Rachel’s montage of failed dates includes some women with numerous red flags. It also includes Rachel rolling her eyes at the camera over perfectly normal women such as goths or women who enjoy sports. Rachel, in her sarcastic, writer identity is obviously superior to these women and more unusual members of the queer community. Again, this reads as simple defence tactic. It reads as someone insecure about their own queer identity trying too hard to fit in.

Yet there are still timeless and clever moments here. Rachel and Christine’s first date lasts 24 hours. There’s also a funny scene of Christine being quizzed by a panel of Rachel’s exes who are now overly protective friends. Lots of the comedy around the family aspects also mostly works. Mothers and mothers in law haven’t changed that much in 20 years and they’re still a good fodder for comedy.

Beyond being just comedic, I like that the parents in the film are largely supportive. Rachel’s mom is a card-carrying PFLAAG member. While the film suggests sometimes she overdoes an occasionally “cringe” way, the film still celebrates her acceptance. Christine’s mom is a WASP sterotype of an emotionally repressed woman who thinks everything is about her. We get good comedic moments from this identity. But her mom also grows to support her daughter by the end. The fact that this character has an arc and positive traits really helps. Depictions of parents in comedies can be unkind. Sometimes to the parents themselves or because abusive behaviour is portrayed as funny. A Family Affair offers its parents depth and positive traits while still allowing them to be funny, flawed comedy moms.

A Family Affair is a slow burn of likeability. Initially, every time the lead character smugly rolled her eyes at something, I rolled my eyes at the film. But by the end, I liked the characters and rooted for Christine and Rachel as a couple. The comedy is hit and miss but A Family Affair’s story of love, acceptance and relationship to religion generally works.

Overall rating: 5.6/10

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