Before We Grow Old

At this point, I’ve got a whole group of poly films I can compare Before We Grow Old to and find it unremarkable. But the one this one specifically reminded me of is Happy Ending. Before We Grow Old affirms some of my observations about Happy Ending. Notably, how as a Netflix film, Happy Ending has a level of polish to it but also, that same element of polish removed a lot of the edge from the queer relationship. Before We Grow Old has better representation of a poly relationship. But it’s also less good to look at and the pacing isn’t as good. Neither film is that good. But they’re bad for different reasons. But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t recommend either so who even cares?

Before We Grow Old features a bisexual couple whose main shared interest is in their open relationship. Neither Maria nor Niels seem to care what gender their third is, so long as they can have a threesome. But because this is on WLW Film Reviews, you can probably guess that the partner this movie focuses on is a woman. Maria initially sees this woman, Chloe on the subway. Immediately, both parties are attracted to her. Chloe agrees to be their third. Then, there’s a stretch of the movie that’s basically just one long first date. But when that date ends, the trio experiences the consequences that can happen when you have sex.

I can’t stop from asking myself what the “point” of Before We Grow Old is. It’s sure not a character study, these characters are deeply flat. It doesn’t work as a strict romance, because the film’s second half is about the reality of relationship issues. I’m not sure if it’s a cautionary tale either though. It doesn’t seem quite judgmental enough for that. Part of the issue might be the fact that me and the film are on different pages about how inherently interesting it is to depict a poly couple. Before We Grow Old seems to think that this factor is enough interest to carry this whole movie. I disagree. Without interesting characters or a focused story, I don’t really care that three fake people are having sex with each other.

The first half of this movie is straight-up horny. Which is the main place where I miss the visual style of Happy Ending. That movie had a breezy feel thanks to its use of filters, a focus on light and soft, warm colour tones. Before We Grow Old favours a more naturalistic style and a muted palette of grey and cold tones. And that’s not exactly the style that sings when it’s a scene of Niels giving Maria a handjob on a public bench while he talks dirty about them having threesomes. It works for the second half, but some of the second half is reliant on how well the first half set things up.

The ending of the film is such a non-event that it further killed my interest in the film. There’s so little to any of Before We Grow Old that I find remarkable or interesting. And then it really ends with a whimper. This is far from the worst poly film I’ve seen, but that doesn’t make it good. The amount of poly films I’ve seen probably lessens my regard for this specific one. I’ve seen the beats of this story many times before. And Before We Grow Old’s take on those beats is a particularly boring one.

Overall rating: 4.8/10

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