Elisa and Marcela

Elisa and Marcela is a two hour long biopic shot in black and white that desperately wants to be taken seriously. There’s also a lot of things about Elisa and Marcela I didn’t like. But I’m going to boil down all those things and the film’s very existence to two words. Squid tits.

Elisa and Marcela tells the story of the first same-sex marriage to happen in Spain. The couple in question is Elisa and Marcela who initially meet at school. The two girls become close because basically, they’re the first people to ever be nice to one another. Elisa and Marcela choose to live near each other after graduating so they can continue their affair. After Elisa’s cousin Mario dies, she decides to take on his identity so she can legally marry Marcela. Obviously, their ruse gets discovered and they encounter homosexual persecution.

So much of Elisa and Marcela feels like an unimaginative retread of common queer plots. They basically get a tasting menu of various kinds of homophobia and oppression throughout the film. None of it is particularly well done. Most of the ground they cover has been done before and better by numerous other movies. The choice to make the most unique part of this story, their actual sham marriage be such a small part of the film was not the correct choice.

Continuing in this film’s tendency to just do vague overviews of things, Elisa and Marcela as characters never come alive. It’s hard to tell them apart because neither of them have distinct personalities. They’re also incredibly passive as protagonists. Things happen to them more than they make specific choices to do things. And the level of understanding of what drives this relationship is minimal. These women don’t feel connected and in love. They just feel like they’re in proximity to each other. Elisa and Marcela never feel like people and sometimes, they don’t even feel like characters. They feel like props for a story that’s trying so hard to be taken seriously but lacks the depth required for me to actually do that.

It was also not the correct choice to film in black and white. This does nothing to elevate the film. It feels very much like they chose to film in black and white simply for the artistic clout. It doesn’t add anything to the story and it’s not particularly good black and white. The film desperately wants for some contrast instead of its middling, muted pallet of shades of greys. The cinematography and especially lighting and contrast is not strong enough to make black and white feel like the right or even justified choice to film in.

And then there’s the sex scenes. There’s about four scenes in a row between Elisa and Marcela that are just them having sex. Because how else could the film communicate that these women are in love and have a passionate connection? There is obviously no other way than a series of sex scenes, three of which involve weird props. The first scene is mostly normal, some toe sucking happens at the end. Whatever. But then suddenly, squid tits! They just flop a whole-ass dead squid on one of their tits and have a sexy fun time with it. The following two sex scenes involve seaweed and milk, respectively. I hated all of this. The fact that the scenes are in black and white and have romantic piano music doesn’t change the fact that these sex scenes are unnecessary and deeply unromantic.

Elisa and Marcela thinks it’s smarter and artsier than it really is. Or, at least it wants you to think that. But really, this is an entry-level queer love story with an entry-level of understanding of queer oppression and romance. It’s filmed in dull black and white that screams for some dramatic contrast and has a series of weird, unnecessary sex scenes. Admittedly, there are a lot of movies objectively worse than this that I’ve given a passing grade to. Elisa and Marcela does at least have a budget. But even with a budget and some talent behind the scenes, still this film made me feel no joy or any emotion. It felt like a task to get through this movie and for that (and the squid tits), I give Elisa and Marcela a failing grade.

Overall rating: 4.4/10

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