Freelancers Anonymous

Freelancers Anonymous should’ve been a slam dunk for me. It’s a film about a worried millennial lesbian who’s fed up with her employer undervaluing her. That also describes me! But a relatable character is not enough to support a film. Especially when the relatable character also sucks.

Freelancers Anonymous begins with Billie in an unfulfilling office job with a disrespectful boss. Billie has a fiancee named Gayle. Gayle is some sort of theatre kid with a niche Youtube channel and a side hustle narrating erotica. One day, Billie ingests far too much pot cake and also learns her hours and benefits will be cut. So, she quits. Gayle is not happy to hear this. She demands Billie finds a paying job. Instead of doing so, Billie she finds a ragtag group of wannabe freelancers who don’t make any money themselves. But Billie has a master plan. She’s gonna turn this group into a company that releases an app that’s basically tinder for jobs. However, Billie continues to not make any money from the project and her wedding looms ever nearer.

You can tell near immediately that the lead character in Freelancers Anonymous is a self-insert for the writer. This is confirmed as Billie is played by the film’s writer. Writer/actor Lisa Cordileone is far too close to this character to have enough objectivity. Billie is not protagonist material. She’s not interesting nor particularly likeable. Freelancers Anonymous falls victim to the same problem self-insert fanfictions have. Billie is by far the least interesting character in this and yet she is the lead. Her miniscule life problems take centre stage. Meanwhile, a group of much more interesting supporting characters with larger conflicts act merely as support for the undeserving protagonist.

Worse still, Billie’s flaws don’t resolve. The structure of Freelancers Anonymous is the following: Billie says or does something awful; someone calls out her awful behaviour and Billie feels bad; Billie offers a half-assed apology; by the next scene, everything is forgiven just in time for Billie to repeat this pattern. It’s deeply frustrating watching Billie allegedly learn the same lesson (don’t lie or be an asshole) multiple times yet it never sticks. It’s more frustrating still when characters put up with that. She calls everyone in Freelancers Anonymous stupid. But it’s okay, she said sorry and brought donuts. Gayle is justifiably mad at her for lying about having a job. But Billie is sad the next day, so Gayle offers her comfort and the problem is forgotten!

The issue of Billie being an undeserving protagonist with unearned support is strongest in the relationship between her and Gayle. Billie and Gayle don’t seem to have much in common. They also have serious communication issues, a difference in priorities and a lack of trust. Gayle is this effervescent housewife ideal; always ready to seduce the ever-busy Billie and offer food and emotional support. Billie really takes this relationship for granted. This culminates her double booking her wedding and the launch of her app. Gayle should’ve broken up with her on the spot. But this is a fantasy for the writer. So even here, Billie gets away without major conflict. After a few sentences of fighting, Gayle angrily declares that she loves Billie and the fight is over.

I can’t tell if Freelancers Anonymous has good ideas and talent and just needed a few more drafts or if the film is trying its damn hardest but lacks innate talent. It results in the same thing, a deeply boring and cliche script. None of the jokes in this comedy feel fresh, nor are they well-executed. And the plot that holds the jokes together is weak. On multiple occasions, characters will suddenly freeze and say, “wait” and then rehash whatever has just been said. How else would the audience knows this is an important revelation? So much of this film feels lazy in its reliance of cliches. It feels like this is a case of a creator making a standard story queer and expecting that to be novel enough. It’s not. Overdone jokes are still overdone even if it’s a lesbian saying them.

I went into this expecting Freelancers Anonymous to be #relatable. It isn’t. This is a self-insert fantasy too specific to its creator to have broad appeal. It’s also a comedy that lacks any moments that made me laugh. This is a frustrating, eye-roll worthy comedy. The story isn’t good, nor are the characters, nor are the jokes. Tragically, the most eye-roll worthy part of the movie is WLW icon, Natasha Negovanlis. I respect her commitment to her character, but the stuff Freelancers Anonymous gave her is embarrassing. Now I’ve gotta go rewatch Carmilla. That low-budget college AU vampire web series sponsored by a tampon company is a much more dignified project for Negovanlis.

Overall rating: 3.1/10

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