I Hate New Year’s

I Hate New Year’s comes from Tello films, a queer female-focused production/streaming service. Tello’s slogan of, “our stories, our network” shows their commitment to visibility and representation. But representation alone is not enough to make a good movie. I Hate New Year’s is cliche and feels perfectly willing to stew in its own mediocrity.

The film is a cliche romantic comedy about breakout pop star, Layne. Experiencing writer’s block, Layne meets with a psychic. The psychic gives her vague advice that Layne takes to mean she should reconnect with her ex to break through her block. So, she travels back to Nashville. Her agent is adamant that she keep a low profile because of the potential scandal of being seen in Nashville? I’m unclear on this. In Nashville, Layne stays with her friend, a fellow musician and lesbian, Cassie. Cassie overtly has a crush on Layne though Layne is completely oblivious. Cassie assists Layne in her mission to seek closure with her ex. This leads them to visit several hip locations, perform a few musical numbers and have Layne finally realize that what she was looking for (Cassie) was right in front of her the whole time .

I Hate New Year’s has absolutely no ambition for originality. It’s one of those queer films whose idea of equality is mimicking overdone heterosexual tropes without any elevation, deconstruction or even solid execution. The only thing unique about this film is the queer aspect. But the plot, jokes, characters and everything else is as stock as you can get. I understand some people find these tropes comforting. But within a cliche framework, there is still a place for quality and that is something I Hate New Year’s lacks. This is a bad execution of various romantic tropes. I think the movie thinks it gets a pass because it’s queer. But not on this site! I’ve complied a list of over 1000 WLW films. Just being queer isn’t enough. The movie has to be actually good too.

Cassie has a gay best friend named Freddie which presents a conundrum for me. Is it still a harmful gay stereotype if it’s in a gay movie? Because Freddie is every ounce the helpful, undeveloped, flamboyant gay best friend that you would see in a heterosexual romcom of the 2000’s. Really, the only difference is that his female best friend is a lesbian. While maybe the fact that this is a gay movie saves him from being a stereotype, he’s still the worst character and actor in the film.

What’s wild about I Hate New Year’s is how it seems to not want its audience to forget they’re watching a movie. If there was any hope you watched this generic, uninspired film and actually got drawn into the story and saw the characters as actual people, the film ruins that with multiple fourth wall breaks. These mostly come courtesy of Candis Cayne’s character, who looks directly into the camera and at one point expresses the fact that this is a movie. This is probably some failed attempt to lampshade how bad their movie is. Obviously, this doesn’t magically make their movie good. It just draws more attention to itself.

And they missed such an obvious place for a fourth wall break! When Layne and Cassie’s antics start trending on social media, their fans give them the portmanteau, Lassie. Come on, I Hate New Year’s! You have two characters named Layne and Cassie and Candis Cayne is in the cast as someone who breaks the fourth wall! And you never rewrote this line so their portmanteau is Cayne? And then one of the characters could ask, “Cayne? Like LGBTQ* icon, activist and actress Candis Cayne?” It was right there!

Here’s the paragraph where I sum up what I like about the movie. Firstly, it ran under 90 minutes. Loved that. Also, I do think Layne and Cassie have chemistry and that the actresses have some charisma. This is often stifled by the terrible material they have, but the characters remain likeable due to the fact that the actresses are. Also, I liked the music. It’s believable that Layne was a breakout, big star. The songs do sound like something that could get radio play. They’re catchy and all of the performers in the film are very good at singing. Or, the post-production audio department is very good at their job. Either, or.

I Hate New Year’s is a big eye roll of a movie. It has no ambitions of being good, just of being queer. And that’s not enough. We still do need more lighthearted, queer romcoms but they do need to have quality. That’s what’s lacking here. I Hate New Year’s is very much coasting on its queer element. It makes for a very disappointing and often obnoxious watch.

Overall rating: 4/10

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