In My End is My Beginning

Wow. In My End is My Beginning really surprised me. Not in a good way. The film has two female leads and allegedly it’s a love story between said women. It’s almost impressive how little characterization, agency or respect women are in this film. The women’s identity and actions in In My End is My Beginning are so focused on men that I’m going to go ahead and call this misogynistic. Even compared against films from 50 or more years ago, the way this film treats women is really bad.

The film starts with Naru having rough sex with her lover, Jae-in. While boning in a car, an oncoming car hits them, killing Jae-in. After feeling low to the point of suicide, Naru shows up at Jae-in’s house, begging his wife, Jung-ha to let her stay. Naru offers to be a degraded servant to Jung-ha just to be closer to her dead lover. Jung-ha agrees. Much of the film depicts Naru degrading herself voluntarily followed by Jung-ha berating and degrading her to an even more extreme level. I guess somewhere along the way, feelings develop. The film ends with a lengthy sex scene between the two. Also, this whole story is framed by a man telling it to a date of his who really wants to get in his pants. Still not sure how this dude connects to the rest of the story.

The big problem with In My End is My Beginning is that it’s ostensibly female experience but funnelled through so many layers of male interpretation. At the very top, we have the fact that the film’s writer and director is male. Within the story, a male character narrates the event of the film. And the events themselves, are very much about two women whose lives and actions are tied up in relation to a man who is neither present nor even alive. Jae-in’s spectre looms large over Naru and Jung-ha’s relationship. And I mean this literally because he appears as a ghost/hallucination to Jung-ha, encouraging or stopping her from doing things.

In My End is My Beginning also suffers from the male gaze. Despite Naru and Jung-ha being alone in most scenes, they perform actions as if they’re being viewed and judged. There’s something inherently performative and often seductive in their actions. Even when the scene doesn’t call for that at all. This is the kind of film where an injured and depressed Naru tries to commit suicide. But she does it in a cute pair of underwear, a full face of makeup and a fresh manicure. The film’s like, yeah we’re taking on difficult subjects and emotional extremes! But never any where a woman might appear as anything other than put together and fuckable.

It is a shame, because I was excited by the premise of In My End is My Beginning. The concept of the emotional extremes following grief and a power dynamic of voluntary degradation is a really interesting set up for a film. I don’t even necessarily think it’s bad that at the start, what brings Jung-ha and Naru together is their connection to a man. The problem is that it never goes past this. The film isn’t interested in exploring emotional extremes and certainly not developing a relationship. The main focus of the film really seems to be showing how focused women’s lives are on men. Even after they’re dead. Even if it’s a lesbian movie. If you want to see the power dynamic servant stuff, at least there’s still The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant.

In My End is My Beginning is not a film for queer women. It’s not a film for women full stop. This is insane to me because A) it’s about women and B) that’s 50% of the population you’ve written off. The staggering lack of agency or development in the female leads full on offends me. Genuinely the only trait of motivation both of them show is in relation to men. Watching this film really makes me think writer/diretor Kyu-dong Min genuinely doesn’t understand that women are people, not just sex objects. I truly hate to see it.

Overall rating: 2.9/10

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