Castaways

Often when I negatively review a movie, one of my reasons is that I don’t know what the purpose of the movie is. This isn’t true with Castaways. I know what its purpose is, and in some ways I admire it. Castaways is here to provide eye candy. It’s about beautiful women in a location that’s warm enough that said women wear minimal clothing. But within films just meant to be eye candy, Castaways stands out because it doesn’t feel sleazy, at least comparatively. I definitely appreciate that element of the film. But showing beautiful women in a way that doesn’t feel overtly objectifying or gross is way, way too low of a bar for me to call this a good movie.

Castaways is a plot sandwich that’s low on plot. A brief set-up and a rushed third act are where we get the majority of the story. The middle section is just women looking pretty on an island. The set-up is that there’s a uh, global pandemic. Lead character Emily and her mom acquire special passes to travel on a boat meant to provide safe haven against the virus. But after a storm, the boat wrecks and Emily finds herself on a deserted island with fellow attractive woman, Cara. The island provides a steady amount of food and shelter. So as mentioned, there’s a good chunk of this movie that’s just Emily and Cara overcoming their combined lack of personalities to fall in love on this island paradise. But then, a man named Finn shows up to the island on a boat, claiming he’s here to rescue them.

For what it is, the majority middle section of Castaways works for me. It succeeds at something I complain about a lot in sexy-focused films. Castaways understands that you can put beautiful women onscreen and also develop them as characters. The film’s premise is an excuse to have Emily and Cara never wear more than a sports bra. But why would they? It’s hot, and they don’t have a wardrobe. They also never undress past the level of the revealing yet practical sports bra. So it’s a is a pretty PG level of eye candy. Moreover, it’s a version of eye candy that doesn’t stop everything to gaze at the girls. Instead, you gaze upon Emily and Cara in primarily medium shots as they take a proactive role in their own survival. The girls share dialogue, get to know each other and develop character all while still looking pretty.

That being said, as much as the film seems to respect that women are people, neither Emily nor Cara really have a personality. They’re both very flat characters. Almost every scene between of them would play out the exact same if all of their dialogue was switched around. These are some boring, beautiful women. They also don’t have a lot of chemistry, which is a bummer. The mixture of flat characters and bad acting really fails to sell this romance. There’s actual story progression here with scripted moments that if done right, could really sell the connection between the characters. But, they’re not done right. So instead when Emily and Cara declare that they’re meant to be together, it feels false and hollow. Writing rich characters simply was not the priority here. And casting actresses based on talent or chemistry certainly wasn’t either.

In the last act, a man interrupts Emily and Cara’s island lesbian paradise. This plot line is rushed and not nearly developed enough. It also feels completely at odds with what the film had previously developed tonally. As far as plot goes, this addition works. But basically what happens is that the girls’ carefree island paradise is interrupted by the threat of sexual violence. Is Finn trying to traffic them? Maybe. This is a jarring addition. Castaways spends much of the movie creating a scenario where women don’t have to worry about sexual exploitation. So likewise, as the viewer, I did not. And that was nice. The whiplash to that being a sudden, pressing concern is unwelcome. Because I still consider this movie to primarily exist to be sexy, I don’t love this tonal change. You know what’s not sexy to me? Fucking sex trafficking!

The whole of Castaways lacks a level of urgency. Especially once a potential threat in the form of Finn shows up. Both women seem to trust him too easily. Cara seems extremely wary of Finn until she realizes he has peanut butter. Then, she’s his best friend because as she says, “everyone has a price.” Never mind her previous backstory about being exploited by men. The audience is shown Finn’s true intentions while the girls are not. But that becomes irritating as Finn’s intentions seem really obvious while the girls remain oblivious. So we’re just watching Emily and Cara be ignorant to the pressing information we already have. But even without that information, Finn said Emily’s mom is still alive. And she’s only ever excited by this for 30 seconds at a time before it’s like she forgets, and just goes back to casual island living. Priorities, girls!

There’s something really odd about Castaways. There’s a genuinely chilling post-apocalypse story about gendered and reproductive violence and control happening. But that’s deep in the background of what is basically a movie about pretty women on vacation. Castaways is a movie I would recommend if you want to appreciate the beauty of the female form in a work that acknowledges female autonomy, female capability and in some ways, a female-focused utopia or paradise. This 2023 female-directed film is way less sleazy than male directed exploitation films from the 1970’s, go figure. But again, gazing upon women without being gross about it isn’t enough of an accomplishment that I can say Castaways is a good movie. And as a plot-light work of eye candy, I really could’ve done without the late-term threat of goddamn sex trafficking.

Overall rating: 4.3/10

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